Pin and Bear It

Hello fellow internet venturer. Have you discovered Pinterest yet? If you haven't, grab one bottle each of Aspirin and white zinfandel, and hold on to your leopard print ballet flats.

The website Pinterest describes itself as an online pin board, where users can share ideas, and pin the ideas to their own boards. I was a bit confused at first - but now I think I have the hang of it.

So far, it has been a parade of user-aggregated content - usually fashion, food, household tips and tricks, weight loss - kind of like a ladies' magazine, but in the format of a endless hipster carousel from hell.

Here's a taste:

I'll wait while you regain consciousness.

The pins come at such a high frequency, the completely asinine ones blend right in with the mostly asinine ones - that is, unless you have super razor sharp eagle vision, and a deep, longing desire to criticize others for their stupidity. (Its hard to suppress.)

For your amusement, I have plodded through miles of virtual excrement to find the best of the best.

Here's a pin from a Christian mother with an idea that will help your children learn about Jesus Christ and all his miracles.

He sayeth unto the people, "Lord, let our selves be joyful, here in the Jolly Ranchers of Christ. Speak of ye heart now, for it too is quenched by the ever-flowing stream of the salt-water taffy." Lord, hear our Sour Patch Kids.

They also used this same technique to teach the dog to sit up on its hind legs.

The misplaced religious posts are but one drop in the bedpan that is Pinterest. There's also this:

Because, who knew?

But the bright ideas don't stop there...

You know, now that I think about it, I don't experience torn flesh and liberal bleeding on a regular enough basis - so this is perfect.

Ah, yes - I've been looking for a place to broadcast how I plan to project my own insecurities onto the child I don't even have yet. Excellent.

Pinterest is also great if you're just plain mentally ill and don't know what the fuck to do with yourself. Yes, yes, I'll fit in just fine.

Would I recommend this internet website? Absolutely. Is there is no better forum from which to proclaim your empty-headed materialism? Probably, but I don't want to know about it.

And at the end of the day, if you want to see pictures of exotic destinations you'll never get to visit, read memes so terrible they would even be rejected by the nubs at 9gag, or just look at a bunch of pictures that make you feel really fucking fat, Pinterest will not disappoint.